These do not happen in order. This is unique for each person. They are non-linear, meaning we gain some new skills and ways of being, and then life invariably happens and some old stress or trauma patterns can come online to protect us (often protecting unmet needs, tough emotions, attachment wounds) causing difficulty in mind and body.
This is the path of healing, hence why all contemplative practices like meditation, compassion, acceptance, all embodiment practices too; are called 'practice' not 'perfect'! Daily life with its change, triggers, ups and downs gives us a chance to practice new skills and ways of relating with ourselves with ever more kindness, and gain new insights.
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
We slowly spiral upwards in healing into healthier patterns and ways of being with ourselves; others, our emotions and needs that feel authentic and allow us to live well and feel a sense of belonging both to ourselves and in the world.
In a trend driven, destination focused quick healing culture, we are denying people the gentleness, kindness and beauty of coming to trust their own timing, own path and unfolding. It is my deepest wish that each person switches off any noise of consumerism for trauma and chronic illness that brings up fear and feelings of less than or 'should'.
To instead finds gentle paths of compassion, play, rest, choice, and agency that allow us to be human, imperfect, worthy as we are in the exact body we are in. Healing should not be synonymous with punishment, performance, and suffering to 'get' somewhere. This attitude can really replay how hard many people have had to work to survive their past. So struggle becomes a familiar default that stops us growing the capacity to feel joy, play, and ease.
Yes dedication in needed, which is why we have to find a true why for ourselves to commit to our process, based on what we want more of in life (not what we do not want). What if we can also have ease, laughter, doing so much less, listening a whole lot more to what life and our body is teaching us, and not over focusing on trauma and pathology. I am trauma trained and passionate about trauma healing and meeting all parts of ourselves and their experiences. I am equally invested in positive psychology, which is the study of human flourishing. We must be able to hold both to live well.
**A huge pet peeve of mine at the moment in the online space of under qualified over charging coaches and programs; is over focusing on regulating the nervous system. I sells well as it is packaged in a nice shiny easy to 'do' way but is reductionist and very transactional; do 'x' exercise to regulate 'y' state in your nervous system. Your nervous system is not separate entity to your mind, your heart, your gifts, your state of being, your energy. Your system breathes and moves moment to moment in a dynamic symphony. It is more important to get to understand what impedes your innate rhythms of regulation, which has a lot to do with your self relationship and how you respond to your inner and therefore outer world. You are a compassionate conductor and conduit for this symphony, rather than a dominating traffic controller trying to over direct it and causing disharmony by not understanding that an orchestra works together.
There is also no such thing as a best way or only way to heal anything. That is a very Western approach. For example saying psychotherapy or Somatic Experiencing is the 'best' way to heal trauma, which I saw recently on a nervous system program site. I trained in both but would never claim this. The meta analyses show it is the relational field we work within that is the greatest predictor of healing, modality comes after this. So plant medicine, dance, healing circles, nature, animals, indigenous ways of healing, all have a place and are not less than, just because they are outside the Western dominant paradigm.
Signs of recovery:
